Tasty Treats

A hike on the weekend is always nice. I have no idea where we were for this hike, I was just along for the ride. At the top of a hill I decided my friend, Keefie, qualifies for a beard. Hair below the lip. It’s more commonly known as “The Flavor Saver". Flavors to save are of many varieties but most of your minds went straight to the gutter. That’s why Keefie is up today. It’s Saturday...have some desert!

7.5 CCs for Keefie, it ain’t a big beard but it’s full of character (Beard #29).


p.s. Check out the Poo-Slug I almost stepped on.

Plastic Trees with Plastic Snakes

I just found out that Snake from the videogame, Metal Gear Solid, isn’t a real person. I also found out that Lara Croft isn’t really Angelina Jolie. Either that or the plastic surgeons are now taking things way too far. I wonder if Brad is right around the corner.

Beard #28, Snake, gets 6.0 CCs because I can’t hurt his feelings.

Nice hat Lara.

Bottoms Up

I’m having a very shitty week so I am having a drink.

Mat the bartender (Beard #27) gets 9.75 CCs for making me feel good ;)

p.s. The photo isn’t blurry cuz I’m drunk, it's just my favorite one. Bottoms UP!

Zen-zaster

I am positive I ruined this guy's Zen moment. I didn’t want to disturb him, but he was not my normal sort of sighting. He said yes but that he was going to carry on doing his yoga. As I was getting my camera out I looked down at my dog, Kai, who was smiling at me with another dogs ball in her mouth. Next to her was a pissed off guy with his dog and an empty ball tosser. Fifteen minutes of me tugging and struggling to get the ball out of Kai’s mouth accompanied by a horrible vibe from the other dog’s owner, and my anxiety of the whole situation was circling the yoga guy. You could almost see his aura go from emerald green to muddied red.

Beard #26 gets 8.5 CCs for being Zen enough to not kill me :)

Pooper Scooper

The dog in this photo is probably as annoyed as it looks. I interrupted it’s afternoon waste deposit to Mother Earth. My timing has really been crap lately (no pun intended). I walked over to this guy, T.D., right as he was bending over to pick up his dog’s dump. Poor guy had to sign the release form with a dangling bag of fecal matter. What a trouper.

7.25 CCs for Beard #25. I bet he was voted Mr. Congeniality his senior year of high school. Not sure about the dog.

Glass Half Full

My good friend and neighbor, Jason, was complaining about his itchy beard and I knew he wanted to shave it so I barged in on him and his wife, Kristi before it was too late. When he opened the door I shot him in the neck with a tranquilizer dart, hog tied him, and shaved his beard half way. Call me 007 the VIII. A sexy story but you'll be shocked to hear it's not true. He did, however, let me and a few others talk him into this new beard-do.

Jason (Beard #24) gets 8.75 CCs for being so cooperative and for trying to hang onto his new beard-do for 24 hours.

Old Tom Thumb

I have to start getting some variations up on this blog so you guys don’t get too bored. Not to mention the project can be a person, animal, or thing.

Old Tom Thumb came to life today when I was sitting at my computer working and I noticed that my parrot is shedding for the summer and little fuzzies where all around me. Easy one. The hardest part was taking the photo but luckily I have a remote. Otherwise I would have had to either go buy a macro lens or cut my hand off.

Beard #23 deserves 8.75 CCs for originality and super soft hair.

Sean Jean

Today’s victim is Sean. He came rolling by on his bike as I was leaving the park. He was annoyed with me for stopping him but luckily he didn’t say no and salvaged a little bit of my soul.

I felt so rushed with him I didn’t get the focus on his beard but in a way I don't mind because his curls were worth focusing on. He seems to have a Euro-merican thing going on. 'Risky Business' with a baguette. He did actually go straight to the café across the street.

I’m giving Beard #22, Sean Jean, 7.0 CCs. I like his whole look but attitude is still part of the rating.

Love Haight

To help myself recover from yesterday’s post I found “Not on Crack, Jack”. He was a few blocks up Haight Street from yesterday's guy. I wasn’t beard hunting when I saw him but stopped anyway. Jack was sitting on the ground working on his own art project so he was happy to be a part of mine.

I wanted to ask him if I could wax the tips of his mustache but talked myself out of it...since I didn’t have any wax on me. Note to self...when drunk enough have wax on hand.

I'm giving Beard #21 8.5 CCs for the kind of hair women pay good money for, not being on crack, and supporting the arts while making his own (a Pollock style ironing board). Good luck Jack!

Reasons to Hate Haight Street

Today’s post has a dose of reality. I have no idea what this guy’s name is and he wouldn’t sign a release form but he promised not to sue me if I gave him $5. I took four photos and his expression didn’t change for any of them. Not even the slightest wrinkle shift. I’m not sure where he is in his head but I’m guessing it’s no place to visit.

Anonymous Beard #20 gets 7.0 CCs. Even though his beard that is very impressive the downer that followed taking the photo almost made me not post it but this is all about the journey.

Mechanical Medicine Man Dan

Just around the corner from where I live you will find Dan at his Courier Care Unit. We went into his shop today for actual bike reasons and he turned my day around because about an hour before I got turned down by some random outside of a pet store. Ass. Rejection makes it harder to ask the next person, so I owe MMM-Dan a thanks for keeping me in line with this project!

MMM-Dan (Beard #19) gets 8.25 CCs for good beard girth, his running reds hair color, and for our quick therapy session.

Solid as a Rocky

This is Rocky. If you can make the magic happen on your face like this one you had better contact me. Another thing that's good about this picture is that he’s looking out over the Mission District which is the Hispanic area of San Francisco. I should have taken his photo in front of one of the famous murals but honestly it would have distracted from the amazing clipper wizardry.

Beard #18...9.5 CCs...obviously

Salt N Jeffer

I wish you could see the back of this guys hair. It’s cut straight across like his beard. I spotted him from the back first and thought...’Oh look, another older guy with a big beard’, but to my surprise and delight he is probably in his mid to late thirties. His name is Jeff but I’d like to rename him Salt N Jeffer. Let’s just call him the proper seasoning.

17 CCs for Salt N Jeffer, Beard # 17. He make french fries even better.

Charles in Charge

This is Charlie, owner of Charlie’s Cafe in Bernal Heights, San Francisco. My husband Jack, or I see him almost every day. Everyone here knows and loves Charlie. He’s like a “Charles in Charge” of the neighborhood. I should also mention his cafe has good food, an eclectic setting, and local artists’ work covering the walls. Maybe if I’m lucky someday he’ll let me put some paintings up. I’m hoping a little arse kissin’ by putting him on the blog will help ;)

Beard # 16 gets 7 CCs... See you tomorrow Charlie :)

The Embarcadero's Bush Man

Anyone who has visited San Francisco has had an encounter with the Bush Man. He hired himself to scare innocent passersby all day. He belongs on this blog to represent San Francisco’s Embarcadero. I really wanted to make him shart his own pants for a change but didn’t want to get bush smacked.

Bush Man aka Beard #15, gets 7.25 CCs because he stopped business for a photo at the risk of lost scares. Also for his nice grooming and a good hat.

Won’t You Take Me To Smokey Town

It only took me three months to drop off a borrowed external hard drive at my last place of employment. With doing that I had the opportunity to get a photo of a great “friend beard”. This is Smokey Dan. He enjoys heavy metal, cigarettes, Motorhead tattoos, vans and long walks on the beach.

I love this photo not only because of the smoke rolling out of his nose but his reflection in the building shows obvious sings of a six pack the night before while listening to Megadeath.

Smokey Town Dan, Beard #14, gets 8.5 CCs for shape and smokey mustache

E=mc2

He wouldn’t tell me his name but I really wanted to call him Albert. My friend and I ran into this guy on the street in the Haight hood. While we tried to explain to him what the theory of relativity was he struggled with trying to tie his beard in a ponytail with a rubber band larger than his head. We finally convinced him that he was perfect without it.

Einstein not only has epic style, he’s only 5’ tall and has the voice of a 4 year old girl. Beard #13 gets 9.5 CCs hands down.

Super Nice Mike

Today's hunt started at Trader Joe's in San Francisco’s SOMA district (I can’t afford Whole Paycheck, people). Like many of us do, I shopped with an empty stomach and had nothing in my bags to snack on after so I had to go buy MORE food from a small cafe stand right outside the market. This is where Mike enters into the story. He was peacefully eating a burrito while reading a book so I rudely disturbed him to see if he would be my prey of the day. Of course he said yes...I mean, look at that face. I think his mouth was still full when I shot his photo. People are so nice here.

Beard #12 residing on Mike's face gets 7 CCs...nice and thick!

Captain Toad

Back to the Embarcadero, the land of tourists, silver men, bad smells, and Mr. Toad.

This is one of the drivers for Mr. Toad's Tours. He looks like a damn good captain if you ask me. He let me stop him mid sentence to pose for a photo while he was delivering his spiel to his captivated Idahoans and their cousins.

Beard #11 is getting 9 CCs for girth, tidiness, and ability to deal with his job and still pull off a smile.

Stalking Mr. Fu

I am now constantly scanning for beards. My friends are on the look out as well. I’ve already had many lost beard-tunities. I almost lost this one too.


Meet Mr. Fu, aka Mendel. I watched him from a distance as my dog did her business. After she wiped her butt I waited for the crosswalk light to change. He was about to get in his car and go so I ran to him like a crazy lady. Luckily, Mr. Fu didn’t pepper spray me. While chatting I found out he’s a wine vendor and a painter (yes, that’s one of his paintings). What a great combo. I have to support booze and art since the go so well together.

Beard #10, worn by Mr. Fu, gets 8.25 CCs because it’s a good’en and he don’t give a damn like any true artist.

Band of Bearded Brothers

I found myself back at Mad Dog again...it seems to be the World Cup hotspot. These three were three sheets to the wind and eager to partake.

I saw the guy in the middle first, then he quickly recruited the other two. They seemed to be good friends but were all very different personalities. From left to right we have "poser", "soldier", and "needs no-dozer".

Beard #9 (and unofficially 10 and 11) gets 7.75 CCs for making my mission so easy even down to the poser unbuttoning his shirt for cheese factor.

Ow My Eyes!

This is Ben...who is super nice...and cute...and has good facial hair...and hair...and a great smile...and...um...Beard #8...9 CCs...that is all ;)

Eskimoverine

My good friend Tom and I got together for lunch today. I mentioned to him that I had to find my beard while we were out and then it hit me like a frying pan in the face that at that very moment I was accompanied by Wolverine’s Eskimo brother. When I asked him if he would be my subject He said, “Sorry, no photos, but you can photograph my driver’s license”. I liked it, I did it.

Beard #7, Eskimoverine gets 8.25 CCs for overall fullness. I would have given him a higher score but he wouldn’t shown me his scissor hands.

Praise Topher

Believe it or not, I have to do other things besides gallivant around the city taking photos of beards. I still need to make a living which I do as a graphic designer. While out for a meeting today, I ran into Topher.

To me the best part about Topher's beard / hair combo is all the little wispy hair bits sticking up on the top of his head and the overall obvious lack of grooming. I’m guessing he can still get the ladies with his charm so he doesn't bother with a comb.

Beard #6 gets 7.5 CCs for making me feel a moment of spirituality.

Oranjegekte (Orange Mania)

I have to admit this photo is from yesterday but I saw this guy later in the day after yesterday's beard was posted. While heading down Haight Street (beard central) this 6’5” fellow burst out of a bar onto the street with a large entourage of cheering people. He was overall covered in orange to the point where he had a fire trail like a commet. Even his truck was orange. The World Cup game between the Netherlands and Uruguay had just ended (2-3, Netherlands) and it’s safe to say he was a Netherlands fan. I wasn’t shy with this photo at all as I was one of at least 10 people stopping traffic for a snapshot. Hup Holland! Hup!

He kinda looks like Hulk Hogan.

Beard #5 gets 8 CCs even though his chin is mostly stubble because he was such a site to see, plus he has a nice "stache" that runs down the chin.

Motorcoon

I started at Precita Park today where we take the dog sometimes so she can roll in another dog’s pee and beg strangers for food. There was hardly anyone there except a dreaded guy playing with 4 dogs. His dreads went down to his arse plus he had a full beard. I really wanted to take a picture but at first site of my camera he kept moving further and further away. I'm hoping to run into him again. I'll be way more aggressive next time.

Moving on, I got to a main street and was surrounded by beards. So many choices but Motorcoon was the one. Coolness. Who else has a raccoon tail on their bikes butt...I mean really? Who? My husband would dress like this if I'd let him.

I’m giving Motorcoon 7.75 CCs just for being him.

Mrs. Bearded Beak

Say hello to my little friend...Bobbie. She flies around my house and eats my food. I would have waited a little longer to put an animal in the beard mix but today for brunch we had a soyrizo casserole dish that was very tasty and as you can see Bobbie loved it too. Cleary I she had to be today's beard. The form is quite impressive isn’t it? That would take a human at least half an hour to shape and she was able to do it in less than 2 minutes. Also note her beard matches her eyes. What a hipster.

Bobbie gets 7.5 CCs because at the end of the day she still has corn in her beard like some of the homeless guys I’ve seen roaming around the city.

A Full Forth

I forced my husband, Jack and our dog, Kai out with me today on my hunt. We went via automobile because time was limited as we had a 4th of July BBQ to go to. At first I was thinking I could find some super patriotic, half naked person walking around town. This is nothing unusual here. When I saw these two I knew the beard of the day had been located. In 10 seconds we whipped around 3 blocks, turbo parked, and Jack ran to catch these two for me while I gathered my camera. Luckily they were very cool about it and didn’t have their cells out ready to call 911. I guess in this city we’re all a little used to being approached by crazy strangers.

Meet Patrick. He gets 8 CCs for a nice and thick, multi colored arrangement with his hot lady friend, Lisa on his arm. Happy 4th of July all.

Let the Beard Hunt begin!

BEARD #1 — Good 'Ole Boy(s)

I have to start off with a bang here to keep you guys interested. Beard #1 (...2 and 3) happened in in a small coastal town in Northern California. My husband, Jack, and I were on a nice outing for the day and right as we were parking I saw a cowboy riding by on a horse, yeah that's what I said. I tried to get out of the car, camera ready, but it was too late. All I could get was horse ass. No matter, right across the street there were three good 'ole boys, hanging out and having a midday laugh a.k.a. beer. They weren't so sure about me at first but quickly came around with a little bit of gab (the gift I don't have so luckily Jack was with me). This is one of my favorite pics so far and for how cool they were I'm gonna give them 9.75 CCs*

p.s. We found the horse later outside a little saloon but our dog was with us and wasn't allowed inside. I'll be going back for him at some point.

*CCs — the Chris Cringle beard rating scale starting at 1 as the weakest and 10 being up there with Chris Cringle's (Santa) beard. Ratings are based on style, length, and character as well as the over all experience.